Well, I'll tell you a story that happened to me
One day as I went out to Youghal by the sea
The day it was hot, the sun it was warm
Says I "A quick pint wouldn't do any harm"
I went in and called for a bottle of stout
Says the barman, "I'm sorry the beer's all sold out
Try whiskey, young Paddy, ten years in the wood"
Says I, "I'll have cider; I've heard that it's good."

But I'll never, oh never, oh never again
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten
Well I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking the quart of the Johnny-Jump-Up

After leavin' the third I came out by the yard
Where I walked into Brophy the big civic guard;
"Come 'ere to me boy don't you know I'm the law?"
I upped with me fist and I shattered his jaw.
Well he fell to the ground with his knees doubled up
'Twas not I that hit him, but Johnny Jump-Up
The next thing that I met down by Youghal by the Sea
Was a cripple on crutches and he said to me

"I'm afraid for me life I'll be hit by a car
Won't you help me across to the railway man's bar?"
But after drinkin' a quart of the cider so sweet
He threw down his crutches and danced in the street.
Well I went down the Lee road a friend for to see,
They call it the Madhouse in Cork by the Sea
But when I got there sure the truth I will tell
They had the poor bugger locked up in a cell

Said the guard, testing him, "Say these word if you can:
'Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran."
"Tell them I'm not crazy, tell them I'm not mad
'Twas only the sup of the bottle I had.
A man died in the Union by the name of McNabb
They washed him, they laid him outside on a slab
And after O'Connor his measurements did take
His wife took him home for a bloody fine wake
Well, about twelve o'clock and the beer it was high
The corpse he sits up and says he with a sigh
"I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up
'Till I bring them a quart of Johnny Jump-Up